She had only recently gone … So, you find yourself at war with your own conscience, fighting sadness, anger, pity, denial, fatigue, and frustration. Her battle was over, and my years of worry, tears, and constant attachment to my cell phone, expecting calls from nurses in the middle of the night, were over. And also -- even more so -- because it's what Mom would have wanted me to do. And as you read those words, maybe they'll mean just a little more to you. : A Preschooler’s Guide to Losing A Loved One. m_gallery_pagetype = "embed"; I am forever grateful for that too. All said and done, of all the gifts my mother has given me — including the gift of life itself –I am most grateful for that abiding love of home. My father, who passed away in 1992, had always found comfort in the Bible passage (John 14:2), “My father’s house has many dwelling places.” It was read at his own mother’s funeral. You can support your local news source. That is how we will always remember her. Carla R. Dearing died on Dec. 7, 2014, at the age of 78, after a long, heart-breaking period of physical and mental decline inflicted on her by dementia. More than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's disease, and that number is expected to nearly triple by the year 2050. Such was her love for her only grandchild, in fact, that she became a Notre Dame football fan while he was a student at the University of Notre Dame. Follow him on Twitter @TonyDearing. To her, the word encompassed the people inside its walls — family and friends — as well as its gardens and furnishings. They write themselves. Important new research on cognitive stimulation. Carlesta Gullion’s obituary is posted here. The phone call that announces Mom or Dad is finally at peace or “at home” in a better place. Isaacson would know. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. Subscribe now », Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother's life, Tony Dearing | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. From a son. Once dementia had incapacitated her, moving Mom out of her beloved Royal Oak condo and into a nursing home was, by far, the hardest and most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to do. Like everyone else who loses a parent and goes about the somber business of making funeral arrangements, I used the time between that phone call and this funeral to reflect on earlier memories of my mother. I write my mother's eulogy every single week. The unexpected health risks of skim milk. My mother worked as a freelance color artist for several photography studios — including Bill Williams in Royal Oak — throughout my childhood and teen years. It is entirely possible to fend off this horrible disease. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Carla R. Dearing had a joyous spirit, and love of family and a deep commitment to community service. It's a way to remind myself why I write on this topic. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. And she often shared stories of her beloved Irish grandfather — a watercolor artist and a great character whose creative talents she inherited. Thanks to my mother, I learned to read before I entered kindergarten, and literature became a guiding light throughout my youth. Though it’s a very a small word with just four letters, “home” meant everything to Carlesta. m_gallery_blog_id = "8001122";

This column is her legacy -- a way that I can serve others, as surely as she would find a way to serve them if she were still with us today. Of course, nobody is ever truly prepared for The Phone Call — the final phone call that carries the mixed blessing. American Society of Journalists and Authors. I still dream about her often. I write this column every week, because right now, information is really all we have to protect ourselves against Alzheimer's disease. She was proud of Doug’s talents as an architect and artist, and she regarded him as her own son. She was among the first work-at-home moms in the late 1950s and 1960s, setting up a home studio in our family room. Dementia is heartless. Dr. Richard Isaacson, a neurologist who has several family members with Alzheimer's, says even a few years ago, the idea of preventing that disease was dismissed as wishful thinking. We’d read aloud and laugh through the sing-song stories of Dr. Seuss, who was a distant (Geisel) cousin of Mom’s. When I launched this column, I promised myself that once a year, on the anniversary of her death, I would devote the column to her memory. When my mother died in 1970 at the age of 64, I went into denial. In her teens, Carlesta reconciled with her father — and even grew close to her new stepmother.

Inspired by our family’s many road trips to historic Williamsburg, Virginia, and New England, she collected antiques and decorated every room in the house with treasures from our trips. Later on, when I began my own career as a freelancer writer, I had my mother to thank for teaching me how to strike a balance between work and family.

Because you'll know where they come from. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). Here are some suggestions and prompts to help you get started. m_gallery_id = "20216120"; The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Advance Local. I know how concerned people are about these matters because I hear from them every week. And I want you to know. m_gallery_json = "https://blog.nj.com/photogallery/8001122/20216120.json"; It goes on and on, extracting your sorrow one tear at a time. Right now, medically speaking, we have no defense against Alzheimer's. Two years ago this week, I stood in the pulpit at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Battle Creek, Mich., and delivered those words. The father who once provided wisdom and advice can no longer make decisions about his own finances or even choose a brand of toothpaste. I remember coming home from school as a kid and finding my mother at work at her easel, leaning over her photographs and mixing her oil paints. Quite frankly, there has been no other meaningful option over the last decade. … After this eulogy was read by pastor John Miller, my son Nate La Ferle read my favorite poem by Celtic poet David Whyte, “The House of Belonging.”. m_gallery_type = "photo"; Gallery: Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother's life, "As long as Mom could still lift a hand, she would lift it in kindness to someone else.". "Since 2014, when the clinic was founded, it's been OK to say 'Alzheimer's disease' and 'prevention' in the same sentence.".

Recalling the early challenges she had as a kid, I can’t help but feel incredibly grateful for the happy childhood my mother gave me. Note to readers: if you purchase something through one of our affiliate links we may earn a commission. When we wrote pieces about our mother, we shared different 'eras' in her life. Design by Bethany Beams, « Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs », Keep Me In Your Heart:  A Father’s Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimer’s Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page – Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home – Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? When you are the writer in the family, that comes with certain responsibilities. Teaching by example, Carlesta maintained many of her longtime friendships, some dating back to high school. But dementia doesn't care. m_gallery = "dementia_cruelly_methodically_took_my_mothers_life"; Mom wasn’t remotely interested in sports before then — so this was a testimony of their relationship. He runs the Alzheimer's Prevention Clinic at the New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center in Manhattan. When Dad died, I asked a pastor to read that verse in the eulogy I wrote for him.

All at once, my feelings of sadness, guilt, and frustration gave way to a much larger emotion that has guided and comforted me throughout these past few days.

Very late in her illness, when she had lost much of her mobility and was about to go into nursing care, she was still having her home health aide drive her to the houses of shut-ins to deliver them communion. It has been one long year since my mother died. She's gone. The other 80 percent of preventing Alzheimer's is well within our control, based on how well we eat, how often we exercise, how much stimulation we give our mind and how socially active and spiritually replenished we keep ourselves. For her, it was never about the college you got into or the job title next to your name or the amount of money you made. Surely there is a special place in the heart of heaven for spouses like Doug.

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